Readers Comments

Thank you very much for your kind words. I'm glad you were able to find a solution on your own to your problem, and that you're looking through the answers we've been given to others.

Thinking about and planning a suicide is far too common, so we often provide the phone number 988 and internet information for contacting the Suicide Prevention and Crisis hotline. We want those people who are in the midst of a serious crisis situation to feel they have someone to talk to, someone who can provide them with resources and advice.

Your request is not silly at all. I very much appreciate your offer to help! Currently, we have enough advisers. I hope you will continue to read our column and that you will benefit from our advice.

Thank you for your kind message. It means a lot to me that our advice has been helping you for years. I hope you will continue to read our new columns. Whenever you have a problem, please submit your question. We don't answer most of the submissions we receive, but I continue to read each one.

I appreciate your letter and loyalty to our advice column. I'm glad you're finding it helpful now to look at our responses to other people's questions. I hope you'll continue to review our answers to others, and whenever you have a dilemma or problem you need help with please consider writing to AskDrM.org.

All the advisers who write for AskDrM.org appreciate your comment. Since our work is totally voluntary, we enjoy reading submissions, like yours, that let us know that our advice has been helpful. I continue to read each letter that comes in, even though most of them will not be answered on our website. We deeply value the questions and comments that are sent to us. Thank you for taking the time to write to us.

Even though you haven't submitted questions to AskDrM.org, it's great to know that you have found our advice to other readers helpful to you. Thanks very much for letting us know. I hope you'll continue to read our column, and if there's ever a time you have a question that hasn't already been answered, please submit it to us.

All the advisers at AskDrM.org appreciate your note of thanks. A lot of people are disappointed when we don't answer their questions, so it's nice to get acknowledgment of a question we did answer. I hope our advice continues to be helpful to you.

I only discard the questions that are similar to ones we've already answered, submissions that are not clear, obvious joke submissions, questions that are no longer relevant (such as referring to a particular occasion that has passed), or ones that are not appropriate for AskDrM.org. Sometimes, I do go back to the saved questions, particularly if they're relevant to current issues. Currently, I have a database of thousands of unanswered questions.

I was incredibly moved by your letter. I have always hoped that our advice not only provided guidance to the person who wrote to us, but to other readers of AskDrM.org as well. Your words mean so much to me and the other advisers and will inspire us to keep reading every submission and continue to offer advice to our readers. I am grateful to you for being such a loyal and long-term reader, and for telling us about your journey. I hope our advice column continues to help you as you make your way through college and beyond. I admire your ambition and desire to help others—those qualities have long guided me. Please keep in touch with us.

I have had many jobs since I received my PhD in developmental psychology. I decided to pursue this field because it was a way of helping people—children, adolescents, and adults—and also allowed me to hold a variety of rewarding positions. At one time I was a psychology professor and the chair of a college psychology department. I have also been a leadership coach and the head of research and program development for a national non-profit youth organization. Regardless of the position I held, I was also always involved in one writing project or another. I started working as an online adviser 25 years ago, and I have written many books and articles. I'm working on a new book right now.

You also mentioned your friend who, at one time, was thinking about suicide. I'm glad he's gotten better, but you and all your friends should know that 988 is a new phone number that allows you to get help 24/7 for yourself or someone else.

Since we want to retain the anonymity of people who write to us, we have no way of knowing who has submitted a question and therefore no way to notify people that their questions have been answered on our site. The best advice I can offer to you is to read our column often so you won't miss seeing if one of your questions has been answered online.

It's not often that we get feedback about our advice, and I'm very happy to learn that you found our advice so helpful.

I'm glad to learn that the advice we've given on our website has helped you, and I hope you will continue to benefit from our advice. I don't know how many people read our column. We get many more questions than we're able to answer, but I do read every single submission.

Most of the time when we get hoax submissions, it's easy for us to tell that they're not serious questions. But once in a while, we are fooled and answer a question that was obviously sent to our website to deceive us. The problem for our readers is that this action is not a harmless prank because by answering a joke question, we are depriving our readers of an answer to a real issue someone else is having.

I'm happy to hear that you've been reading our advice column and hope it's been helpful to you. You're right that I pick questions for our advisers to answer based on a variety of factors, including: those that detail issues that lots of people are grappling with, those that depict unique perspectives that would interest our readers, and those that are so serious that they need our advice as soon as possible.

Thanks so much for your enthusiasm about our column. That's why we continue to post new questions and answers. I think that advice columns are popular with readers for several reasons, including the following: 1) being curious about other people's issues, 2) recognizing that others are dealing with similar problems to one's own, 3) gaining perspective about the broad range of issues people deal with, 4) seeing whether the advice that's given can be applied to one's own life, and 5) considering if they would have given similar advice in a specific situation.

The number of questions that are submitted each week vary greatly. Sometimes we are inundated with questions, such as when a class has been told about AskDrM.org. The average is probably around 25, which means that since we only answer at most five questions every two weeks, most people's questions are not answered. But I read every single question that is submitted.

Many of the questions we receive are about relationships—uncertainty about a particular romantic relationship (for example, whether the relationship seems to be balanced). A lot of questions focus on friendships that have become toxic and how to handle those situations. We also get many questions or complaints about parents, particularly about restrictions or perceived favoritism of one child over another. Some of the questions relate to school or teacher issues. From parents, we often get questions related to romantic relationships their children are involved in, of which the parents disapprove.

You're very kind to thank us for this advice column. All of our advisers are volunteers committed to helping people. I'm so glad you found that our advice gave you the support you needed. We get so many questions that we can only answer a small proportion of them. But we encourage people to look through previously answered questions because sometimes they might find the answer to the challenge they're now facing.

The number of submissions we get each week varies widely, but we have not been getting many questions from parents of young children recently. Our site is most popular with kids and teens, but we continue to be open to questions from parents and grandparents.

Thank you so much for letting us know the impact of the advice we provide on our site. I passed on your kind words to Emily who has been an adviser for about 10 years. I hope you'll continue to read our column and send us questions as you go on to college and face new challenges.

I really appreciate your letter. You show great understanding of the position we're in as we choose to answer some questions and not others. I'm glad you were able to recognize that by reading answers to other people's questions you received help with your own issue. Please keep sending questions to us since you never know when we'll choose one of yours to answer.

I always enjoyed reading advice columns in the newspaper. When I was working for the Girl Scouts of the USA in 1994 (way before you were born), I had the idea that readers of their website would like to be able to submit questions seeking advice. The column was very successful and we received thousands of submissions each week from around the world. When I left the Girl Scout organization, I decided to continue to offer advice online, but to expand my audience to include boys, young adults, and parents. I've been joined my other volunteer advisers who care as much as I do about helping people, and the site AskDrM.org has been online since 2008.

This site is LGBTQ+ friendly, and we would love you to submit questions to us. Our advisers try to be non-judgmental in making suggestions since we know that is the most effective approach and increases the likelihood of readers listening to what we have to say.

I understood your question perfectly. Usually, the questions selected are a combination of newer and older submissions.

I use a number of different considerations in picking questions to answer: those that represent a common theme among submissions, questions that seem to need an immediate answer, topics that are in the news, and unusual and interesting clearly written questions. I do not respond to questions that don't seem real or do not give enough information for our advisers to respond to. If I decide that a question merits an answer but I have already chosen the questions for a particular week's column, I will save that for a later column.

Unfortunately, those questions that are not posted on AskDrM.org are not answered by our advisers. But you should know that I continue to read every question that is submitted.

In many instances, our readers ask a second or third question because a new situation has come up in their lives. They may have received a helpful answer before or read insightful suggestions in our column. We're certainly happy that people value our advice. We do try to answer questions from a variety of different people from diverse backgrounds and ages.

About once a year, we remove all the old posts. Since they have been taken off the website, the best chance for you to find an old question would be by going to the Waybackmachine and searching for our site. I'm really glad you found our advice helpful to you in the past and hope you'll continue to read our column and send us your questions.

First, tell your mom that hundreds of kids your age write to us for advice. Second, share our site with her. If she has questions she also can write to us since we have a Parents of Kids column. Let her know that I've been doing this online advice column since 1997. Share my bio with her and that of the other advisers' as well. Our viewpoint has always been that when it's possible to go to family members and friends for support, that's great—but when that's not possible because of the nature of the question, or the nature of the relationship with others—it's important to seek outside advice. This site was created to provide a safe place to vent, to ask questions, and to get objective advice. Everyone who works on the site, from the web designer to the advisers supports this column as volunteers, people who care about making the world a bit better.

We post new answers every two weeks so check back often to see if we answered one of your questions.

I love hearing from our readers and learning about the evolving challenges people are facing. But my favorite part of doing this advice column is feeling that I'm helping people by listening to them and offering suggestions that can lead them to effectively manage the issues they're encountering.

I'm happy to hear that you appreciate our advice—that's why we continue to write our column. But I'm sorry that we haven't been able to respond to your particular questions. We get many more submissions than we're able to answer and, as an all-volunteer endeavor, we can't reply individually to questions. However, I suggest that you continue to send us your questions, and, hopefully, one day you will be surprised to find that we have posted our advice to you.

What is most rewarding about writing for AskDrM.org is knowing that I'm helping people around the world figure how to best handle the challenges they face. Readers write to tell us that our advice gave them options they hadn't considered before. Although we don't answer most of the questions that are submitted, I hope it makes a difference that our readers know that I read every single letter. Readers have also told us that even when their specific questions are not answered, they benefit from the answers we've posted for other people's questions. Please continue to send us questions and give us feedback.

I'm so happy to learn that you love our advice column. We post new questions and answers—one for each of our columns (Kids, Teens, Young Adults, Parents of Kids, and Parents of Teens and Young Adults) every two weeks. I hope you will continue to be a fan of our website.

I'm glad that our advice has been helpful to you, and we love writing posts for our readers. Thank you so much for your wonderful letter.

Thanks so much for letting us know how much you enjoy reading our advice. We post five new questions and answers every two weeks, but I read every single question that is submitted.

You raised a crucial question, and I'm proud to provide you with information about the credentials of our advisers. Three of us have PhDs (Dr. B, Dr. L, and me). Kim has a PsyD degree. Mrs. B is a clinical social worker with decades of experience handling issues like the kinds we hear from our readers. One adviser is a lawyer, one is a teacher and artist, and two are college students. We are fortunate to have all these people volunteer their time and expertise writing for AskDrM.org. As the founder of the site, I review the advice the advisers provide before posting the columns.

On the website, we note that: "Our answers reflect our personal opinions only and are meant solely for informational purposes. They do not constitute legal, financial, medical, or any other form of professional advice and should not be construed as such, nor are they replacements for the advice, diagnosis, or treatment that can only be provided by a licensed physician, mental health professional, or financial expert, and should not be considered as a substitute for such advice." We all hope you continue to enjoy reading our column!

I appreciate your letter, which shows that you recognize the time and thought all the advisers on AskDrM.org give to answering questions. I am delighted to learn that you found our advice helpful, and I hope you will continue to read our column and send us your questions.

We do get prank mail, but it's usually easy to spot. Such letters may be a question based on the character from a popular book or may mention every possible issue anyone could have, or that includes curse words. We might also get questions that are designed to shock—but it doesn't do that since we've heard it all! We also get letters from readers who complain about how long it's taken us to answer a particular question or that we haven't provided a response to their message. For the most part, the issues that are submitted are serious and honest ones, and we're sorry that we can't answer more of them. But all of us involved in the AskDrM.org site are volunteers, and we're doing as much as we can. I am happy to let you know that we do get many letters of appreciation from readers, and we're grateful for those. We don't expect everyone to agree with our advice or always to find what we say helpful, but we stay true to the purpose of this site, which is to make suggestions to readers in an anonymous, non-judgmental way. From the time the website was created, I have read every single submission. I want all our readers to know that every "voice" counts.

Thanks very much for your positive feedback. I hope you continue to find our columns informative and interesting.

Thanks for being a loyal fan of our website. We usually post new questions and answers every other weekend.

I'm glad that you love our website, and we love hearing from our readers. Although we only post answers to a small percentage of the questions we receive, I do read all of them. And you might find some answers that are relevant to your situation in the advice we've already posted.

I am so glad you like our website, and we're committed to writing new columns every other week. While you're waiting for our latest update, you might check out advice books from the library, compose questions to submit to us, or even formulate answers of your own to some of the problems that appear on our site.

Since we get thousands of questions, we only get to answer a very small portion of them online. I'm sorry that we didn't respond to yours in the past. Look at some of the answers we've already posted to find advice that you can apply to the situation you're in. Since you say that your parents don't know how to help you and you can't confide in your friends, think about other people you can go to for advice—perhaps a school nurse, a caring teacher, or a counselor at your school. It's important to seek out someone who can support you as you figure out how to solve the issues that challenge you.

I'm glad you found the answer to your question and really appreciate your letting us know how helpful our site has been to you.

Dr. M and Dr. B are delighted to announce that now they are also answering questions at BoxedGeneration.com. This new site is for adults who are dealing with the generations above them (parents and grandparents), the generations below them (children and grandchildren), and their peers (spouses, friends, and cousins). Together, AskDrM.org and BoxedGeneration.com, provide readers of all ages with the practical advice they need.

I'm glad you're such a fan of our advice column! We really appreciate your positive feedback. I can't recommend other columns because I haven't evaluated them to see if their advisers have the expertise, experience, and research knowledge needed to give appropriate responses. Please continue to write to us with your questions.

I'm sorry that we didn't answer your question. We get so many questions that we can only answer a very small portion of them. Please continue to write to us and one of those times we might pick your question to be answered on our site. In the meantime, please try to find a trusted adult who can give you advice and support.

You absolutely did the right thing! Whenever someone says they're going to kill themselves, you have to take the threat seriously. Whether it's telling a parent, a school nurse, child protective services, or a suicide prevention organization, you need to take action immediately. Think about how you would feel if you didn't do anything and your friend actually committed suicide. You stepped in when you were supposed to.